Are you checking your calendar right now? Yes, most people celebrate New Year's Eve on December 31 but this year we decided to celebrate it on January 31. I think this is no different than people who have budget years that sometimes use a calendar year and sometimes go from October to September. Life is full of choices people! Some of us have had a crappy January and instead of thinking that we will have to live for the next year buried under our blankets while being pelted with life problems, we decided that February will start our new year.
This makes sense in many ways. For example, you can save money if you start your fitness New Year's Resolution in Feburary. Most normal (or as I say "boring") people do the Janaury thing. They spend big bucks on exercise equipment so they can start getting fit January 1. If you are smart, you will start your resolution one month later and buy your equipment for 1/2 price from the people who decided they would instead exercise their fingers placing a Craigslist ad. Sadly, some people who bought those Christmas puppies for crazy prices are now advertising their pets for next to nothing - and including their food, beds and toys. Those of us who start the New Year in February will have more money in our pockets while having cool "stuff" - and pets in our homes.
We even saved "Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year" show so we can watch the ball drop at any time of the night on 1-31-10. We don't plan to stay up until midnight so that ball can drop at 8 pm and we will still have time to go home and watch House Hunter re-runs before bed. It's hard for me not to be excited about this but I'm afraid that my enthusiasm might be catchy and too many others will do the same thing and ruin it for me.
I'm not even going to tell you when I'm planning to celebrate Christmas!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Three New Inventions
Do you ever just think of something and wonder why no one seems to have invented it already? During one sleep-deprived night while I was looking for one more piece of chocolate in the meat drawer of my refrigerator, the light bulb in my frig - as well as my head - turned on to about 150 watts. I had some new inventions brewing! If you ever see them in production, just remember where you first heard about them.
1. Vitamin D enhanced TV screen - We keep hearing that most people don't get enough Vitamin D. I guess you have to be outside to get that or down a couple little gel pills with your choice of wake-up drink. I'm thinking that the time it takes to go from the house to the car to the store is probably not adequate time to fill our Vitamin D supply. But most of us do spent a significant amount of time in front of the TV - it's relaxing and sometimes makes us laugh - so we are reinforced to do that. Why can't RCA or Tachichie-something have our TV screens emit some level of Vitamin D every time we turn it on? The screen might need to be a little brighter but we can always keep our sunglasses handy. A healthy TV experience! I love doing something to improve my health - without doing anything different. I want some royalties for this!
2. Gumby flash drive for you brain - Do you ever wish you could figure out the workings of someones brain? Like Bob Dylan, Bill Gates, or even PeeWee Herman? What if someone is leaving a job and you know they are taking an encyclopedia of knowledge with them - inside their brain - and you need that information? Behold, the Gumby flash drive. You just insert it into a persons ear and squeeze. Instantly, all of those knowledge brain cells are copied onto a easily expandable gumby guy. You aren't actually taking the brain cells - that would probably be illegal - but just copying them. What if you just didn't have time to cram for a test but you friend took that test yesterday? Gumby to the rescue! I've recently been in a situation where I know that if gumby were available, my brain would now be duplicated into other less-endowed heads. The thing about this invention is that it only copies what is already there but doesn't have any ability to create new ideas. So, maybe someone has taken my gumby flash drive idea from my brain, but they don't know anything about my newest invention, which is:
3. A mobile coffee pot/vacuum cleaner - this is probably on the horizon, especially if someone reads my blog. In fact, the manufacturers are almost there. We now have coffee pots that grind the coffee bean and start brewing at the appointed time. We already have the robot vacuum cleaner that busies itself humming along the floor picking up crumbs, etc. Why can't that vacuum also pick up the coffee pot and bring it to us? Yes, I realize it would have to be a wireless model but can you just see how great it would be to get up in the morning, have your floor clean and you coffee pot moseying over to your chair? The pot would have to be modified to hold your cup, spoon, milk and sugar on a nifty tray on the top, but that would be easy. As I sit here writing and glance at my empty coffee cup, I wonder how many more trips I'm going to have to make to the coffee pot - in the kitchen - before someone eases my life.
1. Vitamin D enhanced TV screen - We keep hearing that most people don't get enough Vitamin D. I guess you have to be outside to get that or down a couple little gel pills with your choice of wake-up drink. I'm thinking that the time it takes to go from the house to the car to the store is probably not adequate time to fill our Vitamin D supply. But most of us do spent a significant amount of time in front of the TV - it's relaxing and sometimes makes us laugh - so we are reinforced to do that. Why can't RCA or Tachichie-something have our TV screens emit some level of Vitamin D every time we turn it on? The screen might need to be a little brighter but we can always keep our sunglasses handy. A healthy TV experience! I love doing something to improve my health - without doing anything different. I want some royalties for this!
2. Gumby flash drive for you brain - Do you ever wish you could figure out the workings of someones brain? Like Bob Dylan, Bill Gates, or even PeeWee Herman? What if someone is leaving a job and you know they are taking an encyclopedia of knowledge with them - inside their brain - and you need that information? Behold, the Gumby flash drive. You just insert it into a persons ear and squeeze. Instantly, all of those knowledge brain cells are copied onto a easily expandable gumby guy. You aren't actually taking the brain cells - that would probably be illegal - but just copying them. What if you just didn't have time to cram for a test but you friend took that test yesterday? Gumby to the rescue! I've recently been in a situation where I know that if gumby were available, my brain would now be duplicated into other less-endowed heads. The thing about this invention is that it only copies what is already there but doesn't have any ability to create new ideas. So, maybe someone has taken my gumby flash drive idea from my brain, but they don't know anything about my newest invention, which is:
3. A mobile coffee pot/vacuum cleaner - this is probably on the horizon, especially if someone reads my blog. In fact, the manufacturers are almost there. We now have coffee pots that grind the coffee bean and start brewing at the appointed time. We already have the robot vacuum cleaner that busies itself humming along the floor picking up crumbs, etc. Why can't that vacuum also pick up the coffee pot and bring it to us? Yes, I realize it would have to be a wireless model but can you just see how great it would be to get up in the morning, have your floor clean and you coffee pot moseying over to your chair? The pot would have to be modified to hold your cup, spoon, milk and sugar on a nifty tray on the top, but that would be easy. As I sit here writing and glance at my empty coffee cup, I wonder how many more trips I'm going to have to make to the coffee pot - in the kitchen - before someone eases my life.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Conan's My Hero
I think we've all been in a situation similar to Conan's at least one time in our work lives. Maybe we didn't have millions at stake or millions of people blogging about us and demonstrating their support but we had at least some family - or friend - or cashier at the 7-11 who lent a sympathetic ear. By the way, it's much more cost effective to talk with the 7-11 cashier as you are purchasing a 59 cent coffee refill than to talk with a bartender while purchasing multiple $5.00 Shiners on draft.
Watching Conan's shows over the last week or so was like participating in a cleansing for our own life issues. We could yell at the TV screen "You tell em, Coco", or "Take that NBC". I didn't even feel a need to finish off the lone chocolate chip cookie out of my dozen during his show. My tummy was full and the stuff I had swept under the carpet was about to be dumped into the trash. "Conan the Comedic Millionaire" was also "Conan the Every Man". He was fighting back for all of us.
Yes, we know that life isn't always fair and the bad don't always get what's coming to them, but we 'average people" believe that we will be better for our experiences. Conan's final monologue of the night for his final show was somber, but with some humor thrown in - love that smile of his! What really stuck with me was when he said "If you work hard and are kind, amazing things will happen". Conan, best of luck to you - and to each of us.
Watching Conan's shows over the last week or so was like participating in a cleansing for our own life issues. We could yell at the TV screen "You tell em, Coco", or "Take that NBC". I didn't even feel a need to finish off the lone chocolate chip cookie out of my dozen during his show. My tummy was full and the stuff I had swept under the carpet was about to be dumped into the trash. "Conan the Comedic Millionaire" was also "Conan the Every Man". He was fighting back for all of us.
Yes, we know that life isn't always fair and the bad don't always get what's coming to them, but we 'average people" believe that we will be better for our experiences. Conan's final monologue of the night for his final show was somber, but with some humor thrown in - love that smile of his! What really stuck with me was when he said "If you work hard and are kind, amazing things will happen". Conan, best of luck to you - and to each of us.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Reasons We Want to Live
You hear people say, when they are in a life-threatening situation, that they often get through it because they think of their kids or spouses and know they have to for them. Having a reason to live sometimes keeps us alive.
I was watching CNN today and one woman from the USA had been trapped in a bank in Haiti for 52 or so hours and they asked her what she was thinking about. She said (in so many words) "I knew my children would be mad at me if I died because my papers are disorganized and they wouldn't be able to figure out anything." Basically she was saying that she was too disorganized to die. I was nodding my head in agreement and understanding as she was talking. That is me!
It's on my "to do" list to get my files in order but I haven't gotten to it yet. I think it's just after "live overseas for 2 years" and "learn Italian". Maybe deep down I think that if I put off organizing my "stuff", I'll live longer. I realize it may be unrealistic but so far, it's working.
Along with that logic, I can't have anyone come to clean my house because it's too messy. And I can't get my car detailed because it's too dirty.
I really appreciated the honesty of that woman's words. There are many reasons that we have for wanting to stay alive - and not leaving until we are organized makes sense. Now I am breathing a sigh of relief knowing it's not just me.
I was watching CNN today and one woman from the USA had been trapped in a bank in Haiti for 52 or so hours and they asked her what she was thinking about. She said (in so many words) "I knew my children would be mad at me if I died because my papers are disorganized and they wouldn't be able to figure out anything." Basically she was saying that she was too disorganized to die. I was nodding my head in agreement and understanding as she was talking. That is me!
It's on my "to do" list to get my files in order but I haven't gotten to it yet. I think it's just after "live overseas for 2 years" and "learn Italian". Maybe deep down I think that if I put off organizing my "stuff", I'll live longer. I realize it may be unrealistic but so far, it's working.
Along with that logic, I can't have anyone come to clean my house because it's too messy. And I can't get my car detailed because it's too dirty.
I really appreciated the honesty of that woman's words. There are many reasons that we have for wanting to stay alive - and not leaving until we are organized makes sense. Now I am breathing a sigh of relief knowing it's not just me.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
GPS -Manufactured in Hell
I knew it! Recently there have been stories in the paper about people trusting their GPS' to take them somewhere and they end up - far from their destination, with the GPS still telling them over and over to "make the next illegal U-turn". The sadistic, crazy person who programs these little monster machines should be made to always have to follow their GPS, no matter if they are only "trying" to go to the local grocery store. I hope they don't run out of gas before they get there!
I'm a trusting person normally so when I plug an address into my GPS and tell it to go the "fastest route", I expect to get there - quickly - or at least sometime that day. I also expect to have a calm ride because the competent GPS is in control. Most of the time I get to my destination. But, lately I'm starting to question if a GPS can get Alzheimer's.
Why else would it tell me to get off of the highway at exit 21 and get back on at exit 22? Or make a left turn on an overpass on the freeway? I may not have a great sense of direction but I do know that 2 illegal U-turns in a row won't get me anywhere but pulled over by the local police. Try to explain that your GPS made you do it!
I finally decided that I might be the cause of my GPS' misguidance because I hadn't updated the maps in over a year. Thanks to excellent childhood training, my first thought is always that it must be my fault. Quickly I found that a GPS is much like a printer. Both can be purchased at reasonable prices but try to buy ink or a revised map and you better get your credit card limit raised.
One hundred dollars and 2 hours later, my GPS was ready for it's test run. To check on the updated maps, I put in an address for a subdivision near my house that was only about 2 years old. "No such address" noted my newly updated GPS. Thinking that I put it in wrong (yep, the guilt's strike again) I re-entered the address. It finally accepted it and I was on my way - the opposite way from the subdivision. I decided that I had time so I would just relax and follow the directions of the British woman. She seems a little brighter than the woman with the general accent less voice. One hour and 40 minutes later, the voice said "You have arrived". Well, I had arrived - somewhere - in a neighboring town. It seems that the GPS decided that I didn't know what I was talking about so it lead me to a different city.
As much as I argue with and yell at my GPS, it still never listens to me. I know I'm not the only one frustrated with these "do not know it all" devices. A friend got a rental car with a GPS and after being totally lost, she lost it and called it every name she could think of - and even some she didn't know she knew. Just as she was about to take a breath and start in again, she heard a voice say "Ma'am, do you need help?" It seems that her GPS was attached to AnStar-type support and everything she said was heard throughout their office. Maybe the joker who programs these machines works there and thinks this is a hilarious prank.
Whatever the reason, the public continues to buy new GPS', thinking that the next one will work better. I'm not getting a new one, but I might see if my maps need to be updated again.
I'm a trusting person normally so when I plug an address into my GPS and tell it to go the "fastest route", I expect to get there - quickly - or at least sometime that day. I also expect to have a calm ride because the competent GPS is in control. Most of the time I get to my destination. But, lately I'm starting to question if a GPS can get Alzheimer's.
Why else would it tell me to get off of the highway at exit 21 and get back on at exit 22? Or make a left turn on an overpass on the freeway? I may not have a great sense of direction but I do know that 2 illegal U-turns in a row won't get me anywhere but pulled over by the local police. Try to explain that your GPS made you do it!
I finally decided that I might be the cause of my GPS' misguidance because I hadn't updated the maps in over a year. Thanks to excellent childhood training, my first thought is always that it must be my fault. Quickly I found that a GPS is much like a printer. Both can be purchased at reasonable prices but try to buy ink or a revised map and you better get your credit card limit raised.
One hundred dollars and 2 hours later, my GPS was ready for it's test run. To check on the updated maps, I put in an address for a subdivision near my house that was only about 2 years old. "No such address" noted my newly updated GPS. Thinking that I put it in wrong (yep, the guilt's strike again) I re-entered the address. It finally accepted it and I was on my way - the opposite way from the subdivision. I decided that I had time so I would just relax and follow the directions of the British woman. She seems a little brighter than the woman with the general accent less voice. One hour and 40 minutes later, the voice said "You have arrived". Well, I had arrived - somewhere - in a neighboring town. It seems that the GPS decided that I didn't know what I was talking about so it lead me to a different city.
As much as I argue with and yell at my GPS, it still never listens to me. I know I'm not the only one frustrated with these "do not know it all" devices. A friend got a rental car with a GPS and after being totally lost, she lost it and called it every name she could think of - and even some she didn't know she knew. Just as she was about to take a breath and start in again, she heard a voice say "Ma'am, do you need help?" It seems that her GPS was attached to AnStar-type support and everything she said was heard throughout their office. Maybe the joker who programs these machines works there and thinks this is a hilarious prank.
Whatever the reason, the public continues to buy new GPS', thinking that the next one will work better. I'm not getting a new one, but I might see if my maps need to be updated again.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
My Dog Is Crafty
I don't mean that my dog Seymour does crafts - at least not when I'm home. Although sometimes I've noticed a few of my "Do It Yourself" books opened near his crate. But I digress - he is crafty in the way he tries to manipulate me. He usually fools me once, but fool me twice - or three times and I could be President.
Back to the crafty part - he knows that I don't like him to bark. When he does, I get out the "Bad Dog" squirt bottle and spray him with water. As a matter of fact, when he does bark, all I have to do is hold a squirt bottle out in front of me, pointing his way and he instantly quiets. Unfortunately, he also knows that if I stand there aiming long enough, my arm will start to throb and I'll have to lower the bottle so with a smirk, he starts barking again.
He also knows that when he whines, I go through the whole array of what can be wrong. "Do you have to go outside"? "Are you hungry?" "Are you feeling sick"? "Do you want to sit in my lap"? Usually, he doesn't need anything except for all of my attention. Got me again!
When I take him for a walk, he wants to stop every 3 feet to smell the aromas of the various dog and cat droppings. I have never figured out why, when dogs are supposed to have this great sense of smell, he has to put his nose directly on another dog's poop - or another dog's poop hole for that matter. He knows what it smells like from a football field away. He also knows that his time is limited in the nose-to-poop exploration because I will drag him away quicker than the weather changes in Texas.
He learned a way to prolong that pleasure. He stops, lifts his leg and then stands there while his head slowly makes it's way to the ground - and smells - the wonders in front and beside him. He knows I'm not going to stop him from peeing and I can't always tell if he is or isn't. This 3 legged yoga-like maneuver has really improved his balance -unfortunately it hasn't improved my patience. I finally started lifting one leg a few inches to try to get my own balance exercise in since I know I'll be standing there for awhile. I'm sure my neighbors think that Seymour is teaching me tricks. He is so crafty, I think he is! Fool me twice . . .
Back to the crafty part - he knows that I don't like him to bark. When he does, I get out the "Bad Dog" squirt bottle and spray him with water. As a matter of fact, when he does bark, all I have to do is hold a squirt bottle out in front of me, pointing his way and he instantly quiets. Unfortunately, he also knows that if I stand there aiming long enough, my arm will start to throb and I'll have to lower the bottle so with a smirk, he starts barking again.
He also knows that when he whines, I go through the whole array of what can be wrong. "Do you have to go outside"? "Are you hungry?" "Are you feeling sick"? "Do you want to sit in my lap"? Usually, he doesn't need anything except for all of my attention. Got me again!
When I take him for a walk, he wants to stop every 3 feet to smell the aromas of the various dog and cat droppings. I have never figured out why, when dogs are supposed to have this great sense of smell, he has to put his nose directly on another dog's poop - or another dog's poop hole for that matter. He knows what it smells like from a football field away. He also knows that his time is limited in the nose-to-poop exploration because I will drag him away quicker than the weather changes in Texas.
He learned a way to prolong that pleasure. He stops, lifts his leg and then stands there while his head slowly makes it's way to the ground - and smells - the wonders in front and beside him. He knows I'm not going to stop him from peeing and I can't always tell if he is or isn't. This 3 legged yoga-like maneuver has really improved his balance -unfortunately it hasn't improved my patience. I finally started lifting one leg a few inches to try to get my own balance exercise in since I know I'll be standing there for awhile. I'm sure my neighbors think that Seymour is teaching me tricks. He is so crafty, I think he is! Fool me twice . . .
Friday, January 1, 2010
Signs of Getting Older
I finally realized that things have changed. Now, when I'm ready to go out I'm not as concerned about looking good, as I am about looking "less bad". Looking good seems too hard of a goal.
Age is creeping up on me - well, not as much "creeping" as jogging to catch me as I race walk while putting on my lipstick so it doesn't recognize me as "old". I used to only have to worry about one or two beauty things at a time - making sure my hair was combed and finding the right lipstick. Now I have to figure out why my nicely curled perm has suddenly started looking like a head of cotton balls that got caught in an egg beater. Then I notice the dark circles under my eyes and the wrinkles around my lips. Wait, what happened to my neck? Are those grey hairs in my eyebrows? OK, I'm upping my beauty remedies to three things - tops.
Now when I go out I just choose the things that will let me look "less bad". What I prioritize depends on where I'm going. So, if I'm going to the grocery store I will:
1. Put on a hat;
2. Put on a coat if it's 72 degrees or less; (Sometimes I have to go as soon as they open or just before they close to get the temperature right).
3. Put on eye liner.
If I'm going to the movies, I'll:
1. Run a comb through my hair because I've found that people hate sitting behind someone wearing a hat;
2. Put on a make-up/moisturizer (all in one so it only counts as one)
3. Put on eye liner.
If I'm going to get gas in my car, I'll:
1. Smooth out my pajamas;
2. Run my fingers through my hair; and
3. Put on eye liner.
The eye liner solves two problems. First, if I put enough on, people stare at my eyes and the rest of my face is safe from scrutiny. Second, it usually causes my eyes to water so before long I can't see if people are looking at me. I think I look "less bad" that way.
Age is creeping up on me - well, not as much "creeping" as jogging to catch me as I race walk while putting on my lipstick so it doesn't recognize me as "old". I used to only have to worry about one or two beauty things at a time - making sure my hair was combed and finding the right lipstick. Now I have to figure out why my nicely curled perm has suddenly started looking like a head of cotton balls that got caught in an egg beater. Then I notice the dark circles under my eyes and the wrinkles around my lips. Wait, what happened to my neck? Are those grey hairs in my eyebrows? OK, I'm upping my beauty remedies to three things - tops.
Now when I go out I just choose the things that will let me look "less bad". What I prioritize depends on where I'm going. So, if I'm going to the grocery store I will:
1. Put on a hat;
2. Put on a coat if it's 72 degrees or less; (Sometimes I have to go as soon as they open or just before they close to get the temperature right).
3. Put on eye liner.
If I'm going to the movies, I'll:
1. Run a comb through my hair because I've found that people hate sitting behind someone wearing a hat;
2. Put on a make-up/moisturizer (all in one so it only counts as one)
3. Put on eye liner.
If I'm going to get gas in my car, I'll:
1. Smooth out my pajamas;
2. Run my fingers through my hair; and
3. Put on eye liner.
The eye liner solves two problems. First, if I put enough on, people stare at my eyes and the rest of my face is safe from scrutiny. Second, it usually causes my eyes to water so before long I can't see if people are looking at me. I think I look "less bad" that way.
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