I just got back from a camping trip and noticed that I am not keeping up with the Jones. I'm relatively new at this and am happy that I have a microwave and an A/C, but now I see just how inadequate of a camper I am.
For example, people bring outdoor fans and it looks like one tries to outdo the others. Some people had a regular box fan plugged in outside and used it while they sat outdoors. But the "Jones" had the wind tunnel shop fan that is so big, I'm sure they have to leave one of their children at home to make room for it. I, luckily had a very nice hand fan that I waved around my dripping face as I passed the trendsetters.
Another biggie is the golf cart. Now, why one needs it to go around a level, not very large campground is beyond me, but then I already mentioned that I am an inadequate camper. You see big ladies, macho men and little girls maneuvering them around the campsites. And I know one of the reasons they use them - to check out other people's campers and outdoor decorations.
Speaking of outdoor decorations - people bring signs with their names on them and plant them in front of their campers as if they have moved in. It's like they are expecting the postal service to show up. They also string lights, put up flags, and even have color-coded chairs and table cloths. I, on the other hand, pull out one old folding chair and use my picnic table to dry my swim suit and towel. The most festive I am is when I turn on my outside light (which I didn't know I had for months). I was thinking of getting a red bulb, but decided it might send the wrong message.
Although people are polite to me, I have nothing to offer in ways of innovative decorations. I actually bought one string of white lights but realized that I don't have an awning to string them on. I also don't have an outdoor place to plug them in. So, they are sitting neatly in their original box just in case someone (with an outdoor receptacle) needs to borrow them.
I also realized that size does matter - in RVs at least. I usually have the smallest camper in the grounds. Everyone has large RVs with slide outs, their own TV satellite, a car or golf cart towing behind it and of course, more decorations than I put up at Christmas.
I try not to let it bother me. I'm perfectly happy in my 19 foot camper van with no TV, no awning, no decorations or no golf cart. Really, I am happy. I would just like to have one small thing that no one else has thought of. Like life-sized cutouts of the Twilight kids, or a small but noticeable cotton candy machine. Or both! But then I'd probably have to leave my dog Seymour - and my microwave - at home. I still might consider it.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Who Trumps What in a Pedestrian Zone
As I was trying to maneuver my way across the parking lot from WalMart to my car recently, I almost got clipped by an old woman with a Handicapped Pass on her car. I'm not sure if she didn't see me - although I think it would be a little difficult to miss a woman in bright yellow pushing a shopping cart - or she knew something that I didn't.
Although I was in the pedestrian walkway and I saw a "Yield" sign facing traffic, this woman acted as if that sign was just another pretty shape that was in her way - as was I. (Not necessarily the pretty shape part, though) So, did her Handicapped Pass trump my "Yield" sign? Someone needs to explain the rules to me. What trumps what?
If a person in an electric wheel chair is chugging down the parking lot toward the pedestrian walkway, do they trump the pedestrian? Are they a pedestrian or a vehicle? Should I bring my cart to a screeching halt and yield to the wheel chair or do I have a free pass in the cross walk?
What if the car with the Handicapped Pass is coming to the pedestrian area and that person in the wheel chair is crossing, who trumps whom?
Who has the right of way if a woman with a baby in her cart is on the road heading to the pedestrian area and I am in my allotted cross walk, who stops? Where do I fit in? Do I ever trump anyone when I am trying to cross the parking lot or do I have to shop after the senior citizens and babies are in bed?
I think the "Yield" sign needs to include further clarification.
"Pedestrians without children and with the ability to walk on their own, cross at your own risk"
Although I was in the pedestrian walkway and I saw a "Yield" sign facing traffic, this woman acted as if that sign was just another pretty shape that was in her way - as was I. (Not necessarily the pretty shape part, though) So, did her Handicapped Pass trump my "Yield" sign? Someone needs to explain the rules to me. What trumps what?
If a person in an electric wheel chair is chugging down the parking lot toward the pedestrian walkway, do they trump the pedestrian? Are they a pedestrian or a vehicle? Should I bring my cart to a screeching halt and yield to the wheel chair or do I have a free pass in the cross walk?
What if the car with the Handicapped Pass is coming to the pedestrian area and that person in the wheel chair is crossing, who trumps whom?
Who has the right of way if a woman with a baby in her cart is on the road heading to the pedestrian area and I am in my allotted cross walk, who stops? Where do I fit in? Do I ever trump anyone when I am trying to cross the parking lot or do I have to shop after the senior citizens and babies are in bed?
I think the "Yield" sign needs to include further clarification.
"Pedestrians without children and with the ability to walk on their own, cross at your own risk"
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Record Holders Beware
When I was young, I really wanted to be in the Guinness Book of World Records. I read through one the books to see which record I could break. I decided that I should pick something not too physical, but that would make a statement. I went for "the world's longest paper chain". I don't remember how long the record was back then but when my chain was almost long enough to circle my house, I stopped. There were 2 reasons for stopping - first, my fingers were hurting from cutting and taping each circle - and second, I didn't have money for any more construction paper. And seriously, where would I store it? As a little kid, I had to share my room with my sister and also share the closet. I don't think my sister would have been happy if I had taken her clothes out of the closet so I could use her side for my paper chain storage.
I just looked up the latest information on the current longest paper chain - and it was set in 2005 at 54.33 miles! I want to know whose mother paid for all of that construction paper?
The reason I was thinking about Records today was that I was attempting to paint an area in my house and I think I'm right up there as the World's Worst Painter. I'll need to see if that Record can be added to the revised edition.
All I wanted to do was paint a small area around some windows and wood trim. First I tried to paint without taping - two brush strokes and 10 paper towels later, I decided to tape. It didn't really make much of a difference because my brush seemed to repel paint and no matter how gently I lowered into the bucket and wiped the excess on the side of the can, as soon as I brought the paintbrush to the wall, globs of paint splattered like saliva from a St Bernard. I think that the manufacturer of my paint brush are the same evil people who make the useless hand dryers in restrooms. No one comes out of the restroom with dry hands unless they either don't wash their hands (and I don't want to think about that) or they end up drying their hands on their clothes. I digress -
When I finally got paint to stick to the small overhang over the window, and I leaned down to paint the lower portion (I know, I know, paint low to high but I am going for the World's Worst, remember), a big dollop as thick as Elmer's Glue fell on my head. As I reached up to feel where it landed, I stepped in another puddle of paint and carried it around the floor on my shoe. I grabbed more paper towels but my clean up attempt was more of a "spread out" endeavor. Did I accidentally buy those liquid-repelling paper towels, also?
An hour later, I was covered in paint, the floor was spackled white, the paint brush looked almost new except for the handle part that did hold paint, and the wall was still virgin plaster.
I could have gotten upset but instead tried to make it into a positive experience. If Guinness doesn't have a category for me, I'm going to recommend that they add it. I might finally be in the Record book and I won't even have to ask my mother for more construction paper money.
I just looked up the latest information on the current longest paper chain - and it was set in 2005 at 54.33 miles! I want to know whose mother paid for all of that construction paper?
The reason I was thinking about Records today was that I was attempting to paint an area in my house and I think I'm right up there as the World's Worst Painter. I'll need to see if that Record can be added to the revised edition.
All I wanted to do was paint a small area around some windows and wood trim. First I tried to paint without taping - two brush strokes and 10 paper towels later, I decided to tape. It didn't really make much of a difference because my brush seemed to repel paint and no matter how gently I lowered into the bucket and wiped the excess on the side of the can, as soon as I brought the paintbrush to the wall, globs of paint splattered like saliva from a St Bernard. I think that the manufacturer of my paint brush are the same evil people who make the useless hand dryers in restrooms. No one comes out of the restroom with dry hands unless they either don't wash their hands (and I don't want to think about that) or they end up drying their hands on their clothes. I digress -
When I finally got paint to stick to the small overhang over the window, and I leaned down to paint the lower portion (I know, I know, paint low to high but I am going for the World's Worst, remember), a big dollop as thick as Elmer's Glue fell on my head. As I reached up to feel where it landed, I stepped in another puddle of paint and carried it around the floor on my shoe. I grabbed more paper towels but my clean up attempt was more of a "spread out" endeavor. Did I accidentally buy those liquid-repelling paper towels, also?
An hour later, I was covered in paint, the floor was spackled white, the paint brush looked almost new except for the handle part that did hold paint, and the wall was still virgin plaster.
I could have gotten upset but instead tried to make it into a positive experience. If Guinness doesn't have a category for me, I'm going to recommend that they add it. I might finally be in the Record book and I won't even have to ask my mother for more construction paper money.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Test for Dementia
Just about every day, my brain is tested for dementia, and so far it seems to be passing. My test starts when I have my daily conversation with a woman I know. She's very sweet and likable but keeping up with her, conversational-wise is like making my brain do 100 sit-ups. I know in the long run, my synapses will be healthier so I work hard to keep up.
Here is a sample of the conversation:
"So, Jane called me and said that Sally is back in the hospital and then she fell and no one found her."
"Who, Sally?"
"No, Jane's other sister, Nell."
"And then, girl, do you know what happened? They put her on an IV for 24 hours."
"Who, Sally or Nell?"
"No, Jane."
"Then he just kept trying to call me and I knew it was him so I didn't answer. He's got that problem that he just won't deal with."
"Who tried to call you?"
"Jim, girl."
And no, I had no idea what kind of "problem" he had but I assumed that she thought I knew so I just let it pass. My brain was reaching it's limit.
I don't know if some people's brains are going faster than their mouths or if they expect me to be able to fill in the blanks on my own. I am so alert during our conversations that if someone did a brain scan on me, 95% of my brain would be lit up. The other 5% would be saying "What the heck is she talking about?"
Since I haven't been doing my Sudoku puzzles in months, I consider these conversations an excellent substitution.
I just wish I knew Jim's problem!
Here is a sample of the conversation:
"So, Jane called me and said that Sally is back in the hospital and then she fell and no one found her."
"Who, Sally?"
"No, Jane's other sister, Nell."
"And then, girl, do you know what happened? They put her on an IV for 24 hours."
"Who, Sally or Nell?"
"No, Jane."
"Then he just kept trying to call me and I knew it was him so I didn't answer. He's got that problem that he just won't deal with."
"Who tried to call you?"
"Jim, girl."
And no, I had no idea what kind of "problem" he had but I assumed that she thought I knew so I just let it pass. My brain was reaching it's limit.
I don't know if some people's brains are going faster than their mouths or if they expect me to be able to fill in the blanks on my own. I am so alert during our conversations that if someone did a brain scan on me, 95% of my brain would be lit up. The other 5% would be saying "What the heck is she talking about?"
Since I haven't been doing my Sudoku puzzles in months, I consider these conversations an excellent substitution.
I just wish I knew Jim's problem!
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