I'll admit that I am intrigued by new inventions and gadgets. In fact, I'm more than "intrigued". I'm an owner of some of the most unique items out there. My family and friends are most likely pretty impressed with my stash. They haven't actually told me but I'm sure they are just wordless with awe. The following are a few of the things I have that I am guessing will not be found in your household.
1. Topless sandals - I saw these a few years ago on TV. The bottoms are brightly printed patterns. They look like flip-flops but there are not tops to them, no thong-toe pain and no "flip", "flip" sound as you walk. I had to get a pair. In fact, I got 2 pairs so my daughter could also enjoy the wind on the top of her foot as well as a full foot-tan. Ingenious! The sandal has a thin layer of paper that you peal off. Under that layer is some glue-like substance that is used to attach the sandal to your foot over and over again. I tried it out around the house and it worked great. I was thinking about the envious stares I would get that night when I met friends at a restaurant. I was cool- but humble.
At the restaurant as expected, the main topic was my sandals. One person liked them so much they wanted to take a picture. I proudly stuck my foot out in front of me so they could get a full view of the bottom. When I happened to look down, I saw a foot - but it wasn't mine. It couldn't be mine. It was swollen like someone had stuffed too much sausage in the casing. I was hearing mummers that sounded like "weird lady" and "elephant foot" or something very close to that. It was the end of the night so I quickly hobbled to my car and pealed the sandals off of my feet. They were not only swollen, but red and blotchy (my feet not the sandals but the sandals did have some red in them). The disappointment set in - my new sandal glue must have caused a severe allergic reaction - they would have to go. The only good thing is that my friend has a picture of me wearing them, but my foot will need to be photo-shopped a little so that the sandals show. My daughter decided she wasn't cool enough to wear hers.
2. Solar-powered mosquito repeller - This is something I really did need due to all of the insects that are trying to snatch a bit of my sugar-filled blood when I go outside. I either needed to dress from head-to-toe in a bee-keepers hat (yes, I have one) and painter's garb - or I needed a way to repel those blood-suckers. Luckily I came across this solution. It is a little black square box on a key ring. It has a small solar panel on one side. The directions say that you put it in direct sun for 8 hours, turn it on and like magic, the mosquitoes avoid you like you were a big fly swatter.
After charging it up, I headed to the backyard with my life-changing find. No longer would I have red, itchy bumps all over my body (and how to they even get to some of those hidden body places?). I sat in my lawn chair while firmly gripping my solar key chain. I was mentally calling those pests to me. It would be like I was in a large invisible box. They would smell their dinner(me), rapidly fly my way and would be jerked to a stop by "the repeller". I couldn't wait to see it.
After a few minutes, I felt my first bite. But to be fair, it was on my foot and the box was in my hand. I then lowered the repeller to my legs and I felt a bite on my neck. I finally waved the box around like I was leading some kind of secret religious ceremony trying to keep the mosquitoes from my whole body. But the repeller is only about 2 inches square and I wasn't quick enough to scan it over my whole body before the mosquitoes found a different place to attack. I do think it worked within a circumference of about 12 inches. I'm not giving up on this one. The next time I'm going to try crouching (comfortably) in the yard so there will be less body mass to protect. I think that is the key.
3. A non-battery powered, crank-handled flashlight - Being in to solar and energy conservation, this was just what I needed. The flashlight is ready any time you need it; no need to worry if the batteries are still good. This is sooo me.
It wasn't long before I had to chance to test it. One night, I needed to get something out of my shed. I couldn't find any of my other flashlights but remembered I had this one. I cranked it for about a minute and a faint light began to shine. Feeling confident I headed to my dark shed. The light lasted a matter of seconds but once I started cranking, it lit again. Unfortunately, it pretty much only works if you are rapidly twirling the crank. I found it difficult to do things like open the shed door, hold anything in my hands since they were both taken with the flashlight (one to hold the flashlight and one to crank), or breath. I was obviously out of shape and cranking made it worse. The sweat began to run down my face, blocking the view from the faint light of the flashlight. I began to feel around with my hands and when I came to an object, I'd quickly crank that handle so I could see what I had found. Sometimes I discovered things I wish I hadn't touched. This went on for about 5 minutes and I never did find what I was looking for.
I decided that my crank-light needed to go with my exercise equipment and I needed to replace it in my kitchen drawer with another non-electric light source - a candle. Again, I'm not giving up on it because some day it might come in handy - after I get my strength back.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Traveling with a Dirty, Hairy Beast
Yes, that is how I feel when I travel with my seven pound chihuahua. When I go into a hotel to get a room, I'm asked with disgust "Do you have a dooogggg?" If I were like a lot of people I would say no and then sneak him into my room. But being honest, I admit to my sin. Then, one of two things happen:
1. The front desk clerk says "That will be $20 extra dollars". Why, are they going to have an engraved doggie dish and special treats waiting for us in the room? Not a chance. They just pocket that $20 punishment and give us an awful room. Or,
2. There is no extra charge, but they put us in a room that hasn't been remodeled since the 50's and looks like it hasn't been cleaned since then either. I'm more comfortable sleeping in my dog's crate than in the bed. And don't even think about walking barefoot on the carpet!
Are pet owners really so bad that they have to be hidden away in the room with no number?
The same thing happens when one stops at a rest area along the highway. Each State is a bit different but the majority spend their money on "No Pets Allowed" signs. I have had to walk my dog beside the freeway in the "Pet area" or walk in the wilds of the unkempt spaces on the outskirts of the "good people with no pets" manicured grasses.
I've started bringing a portable table and setting up my lawn chair in the "doggie area" so I can pretend to be having an enjoyable picnic. If I bring my grass shears I might even be able to make the space the envy of the non-dog people, secluded and in the middle of nature - with nicely trimmed weeds and a sprinkling of poison ivy.
The hairy beast I travel with doesn't know and doesn't care where he sleeps or exercises - as long as he is with me. How many non-pet owners can say the same about their traveling companions?
1. The front desk clerk says "That will be $20 extra dollars". Why, are they going to have an engraved doggie dish and special treats waiting for us in the room? Not a chance. They just pocket that $20 punishment and give us an awful room. Or,
2. There is no extra charge, but they put us in a room that hasn't been remodeled since the 50's and looks like it hasn't been cleaned since then either. I'm more comfortable sleeping in my dog's crate than in the bed. And don't even think about walking barefoot on the carpet!
Are pet owners really so bad that they have to be hidden away in the room with no number?
The same thing happens when one stops at a rest area along the highway. Each State is a bit different but the majority spend their money on "No Pets Allowed" signs. I have had to walk my dog beside the freeway in the "Pet area" or walk in the wilds of the unkempt spaces on the outskirts of the "good people with no pets" manicured grasses.
I've started bringing a portable table and setting up my lawn chair in the "doggie area" so I can pretend to be having an enjoyable picnic. If I bring my grass shears I might even be able to make the space the envy of the non-dog people, secluded and in the middle of nature - with nicely trimmed weeds and a sprinkling of poison ivy.
The hairy beast I travel with doesn't know and doesn't care where he sleeps or exercises - as long as he is with me. How many non-pet owners can say the same about their traveling companions?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Living unbalanced
Due to some problems with my heels, most of my life savings has gone to "foot relief" remedies. I now own a foot and leg massager that is large enough to use as a snack table (in fact, that is now it's main function), a night splint (that doubles as a bug killer) and a multitude of orthopaedic shoes (that double as - dress shoes).
The night splint was a good idea and has given my heel some relief, but it has caused multiple bruises on my alternate lower leg during my unconscious hours. I can only imagine what I dream about when I hit my shin with the splint every time I turn over. Visions of torture, flesh-eaters, and severe pain come to mind. No wonder I often wake up crabby - but my heel feels great! I've decided to take a little break from the torture tube - I mean splint - until my shin returns to its natural skin color.
My newest self-inflicted "cure" involves funny-looking shoes. After "Googling", I found a couple of types of shoes that people rave about as the best thing for their heels since they paid their children 25 cents to rub their feet. One is called Z-coil. That particular brand is known for heels that make you look like you could drill for an oil well with only your shoe. If those coils were looser springs they would at least make it fun to run in slow motion - like you were on the moon. But no, they have enough "give" to take some of the pressure off of your heels but not enough to counter the embarrassment of being seen in public in them. No matter how stylish they try to make them in their ads, I guarantee that you will never see a model on a runway in those shoes.
I succumbed to the rave reviews and finally bought a pair on ebay. These at least had a cover over the heels so that the coil wasn't obvious. The first day I wore them as I strolled through town (actually "strolled" should be replaced with "lurched"), I noticed people trying to covertly stare at my feet. When I saw myself in a shop window, I looked like I should have "made by the Munsters" written across them. Now I only wear them to walk the dog before any of my neighbors have awakened. Really, walking a dog by flashlight is a fine way to start the day.
So, I still wanted some comfortable shoes and the other brand I found were MBTs. Again, the reviews were exceptional. People went from painful heels to running marathons in less than a week - OK not running marathons but maybe 5 Ks. These were very expensive shoes but not exceptionally unpleasant-looking. They are like having a thick rocking chair blade on the bottom of each shoe. You are supposed to walk in a rolling motion that helps strengthen your core, your back, and most importantly, your heel. It was worth a try. I did my trusty ebay search and came up with a pair of brown mary-janes in my size. I decided that I should purchase something a little more dressy so that I could wear them to work.
The day I got my new shoes I wore them around the house for about an hour to break them in. It took a bit of practice but thanks to having a lot of furniture to break my falls, I conquered the shoes.
The next day, I needed to work at a conference and felt that they would be the perfect shoes to wear for a long day of standing and walking. I rolled my way from the parking lot to our conference booth with nary a pain. I was feeling pretty pleased with my new purchase. Within about 100 feet of the booth, I saw a co-worker coming toward me. I hurried toward him while minding my balance and rocking stride. Before I could say anything, he said "What's wrong with you? You're walking funny. You look like your bouncing". Well, I was bouncing but I didn't think it was that noticeable - and I didn't think I looked that funny - until I caught myself in a mirror again. I looked like I was walking wearing one high heel and one sneaker. Anyone who saw me from the neck up probably thought I was practicing my rooster walk. I had no other shoes with me so I tried to walk as little as possible the rest of the day. But at least my heels felt fantastic.
Ortho-like shoes and funny walk - or heel pain? I've made my choice. I just bought my second pair of MBTs.
The night splint was a good idea and has given my heel some relief, but it has caused multiple bruises on my alternate lower leg during my unconscious hours. I can only imagine what I dream about when I hit my shin with the splint every time I turn over. Visions of torture, flesh-eaters, and severe pain come to mind. No wonder I often wake up crabby - but my heel feels great! I've decided to take a little break from the torture tube - I mean splint - until my shin returns to its natural skin color.
My newest self-inflicted "cure" involves funny-looking shoes. After "Googling", I found a couple of types of shoes that people rave about as the best thing for their heels since they paid their children 25 cents to rub their feet. One is called Z-coil. That particular brand is known for heels that make you look like you could drill for an oil well with only your shoe. If those coils were looser springs they would at least make it fun to run in slow motion - like you were on the moon. But no, they have enough "give" to take some of the pressure off of your heels but not enough to counter the embarrassment of being seen in public in them. No matter how stylish they try to make them in their ads, I guarantee that you will never see a model on a runway in those shoes.
I succumbed to the rave reviews and finally bought a pair on ebay. These at least had a cover over the heels so that the coil wasn't obvious. The first day I wore them as I strolled through town (actually "strolled" should be replaced with "lurched"), I noticed people trying to covertly stare at my feet. When I saw myself in a shop window, I looked like I should have "made by the Munsters" written across them. Now I only wear them to walk the dog before any of my neighbors have awakened. Really, walking a dog by flashlight is a fine way to start the day.
So, I still wanted some comfortable shoes and the other brand I found were MBTs. Again, the reviews were exceptional. People went from painful heels to running marathons in less than a week - OK not running marathons but maybe 5 Ks. These were very expensive shoes but not exceptionally unpleasant-looking. They are like having a thick rocking chair blade on the bottom of each shoe. You are supposed to walk in a rolling motion that helps strengthen your core, your back, and most importantly, your heel. It was worth a try. I did my trusty ebay search and came up with a pair of brown mary-janes in my size. I decided that I should purchase something a little more dressy so that I could wear them to work.
The day I got my new shoes I wore them around the house for about an hour to break them in. It took a bit of practice but thanks to having a lot of furniture to break my falls, I conquered the shoes.
The next day, I needed to work at a conference and felt that they would be the perfect shoes to wear for a long day of standing and walking. I rolled my way from the parking lot to our conference booth with nary a pain. I was feeling pretty pleased with my new purchase. Within about 100 feet of the booth, I saw a co-worker coming toward me. I hurried toward him while minding my balance and rocking stride. Before I could say anything, he said "What's wrong with you? You're walking funny. You look like your bouncing". Well, I was bouncing but I didn't think it was that noticeable - and I didn't think I looked that funny - until I caught myself in a mirror again. I looked like I was walking wearing one high heel and one sneaker. Anyone who saw me from the neck up probably thought I was practicing my rooster walk. I had no other shoes with me so I tried to walk as little as possible the rest of the day. But at least my heels felt fantastic.
Ortho-like shoes and funny walk - or heel pain? I've made my choice. I just bought my second pair of MBTs.
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Following is a Public Service Announcement
Research has shown (OK, I've noticed) that people drive a car the same way they push their shopping carts. For example-
The people who strategically stop their cart in the middle of the aisle rummaging through their stacks of coupons are the same ones who drive their car slowly, and breaking frequently in the left lane looking at the scenery. They are in their own little world and do not try to shake them back to reality. You will look like the bad guy.
The drivers who speed up in the passing zone and then slow back down in the non-passing zones are the same ones who cut you off when you're heading to the chips aisle and then they stop to have a leisurely talk with strangers as you try to pass them by the popcorn.
And beware of the people with shopping carts that seem to be following the rules by staying to one side as they mosey down the aisle. They get to the end of the aisle, head their cart in one direction and the abruptly swing the other way. Last minute Nellie's. They are the reason I have to purchase band aids and knee guards. You see them on the road - their turn signal blinking left turn - but their car careening right.
The most dangerous cart-drivers are the ones that let you know they are in a hurry by periodically nipping your heels with their wheels and passing so closely to you that you can tell if they've brushed their teeth before they went shopping. Those are the same car drivers that bring fear to your heart because you know that the statement on your mirror that says "objects are closer than they appear" is so true. In fact, if they were any closer they would be in your back seat.
I hope I've saved a life - or at least a headache. Take precautions and drive defensively!
Thank you
The people who strategically stop their cart in the middle of the aisle rummaging through their stacks of coupons are the same ones who drive their car slowly, and breaking frequently in the left lane looking at the scenery. They are in their own little world and do not try to shake them back to reality. You will look like the bad guy.
The drivers who speed up in the passing zone and then slow back down in the non-passing zones are the same ones who cut you off when you're heading to the chips aisle and then they stop to have a leisurely talk with strangers as you try to pass them by the popcorn.
And beware of the people with shopping carts that seem to be following the rules by staying to one side as they mosey down the aisle. They get to the end of the aisle, head their cart in one direction and the abruptly swing the other way. Last minute Nellie's. They are the reason I have to purchase band aids and knee guards. You see them on the road - their turn signal blinking left turn - but their car careening right.
The most dangerous cart-drivers are the ones that let you know they are in a hurry by periodically nipping your heels with their wheels and passing so closely to you that you can tell if they've brushed their teeth before they went shopping. Those are the same car drivers that bring fear to your heart because you know that the statement on your mirror that says "objects are closer than they appear" is so true. In fact, if they were any closer they would be in your back seat.
I hope I've saved a life - or at least a headache. Take precautions and drive defensively!
Thank you
Sunday, May 3, 2009
There Are Cool Things About Getting Old-er
We all hear the normal comments about the positive side of getting older like:
1. We no longer give a crap about what people think about us.
2. We can say almost anything and get away with it.
3. At certain ages, we can get senior discounts.
I've noticed a few more interesting changes that seemed to have happened overnight.
1. I've started looking at women who wear knee high stockings rolled down to their shoes as being ingenious and stylish. OK, maybe I'm only at the beginning phase of this one but I did buy a 10 pack of knee highs.
2. I'm beginning to hanker after some cool orthopedic shoes - like Z-coil and MBT
3. I'm starting to admire grey hair (but I'm not quite ready to HAVE grey hair)
4. The brain cells related to remembering people's names are slothing away but I can tell you my phone number from when I was 8 years old. How cool is that?
Fortunately there is a part of my brain that hasn't aged. It's the part that thinks I can dance the night away doing the twist, jitterbug and mashed potatoes - but luckily my muscles - and joints - know better! It's the part that still thinks Johnny Depp is hotter than Michael Douglas even though I'm old enough to be Johnny's - - big sister - OK, mother. It's the part that still wants to try out for The Amazing Race or run a marathon (do they make Z-coil shoes for marathoners?) It's the part that says age doesn't matter when it comes to passion - for anything or any body.
There are cool things about getting older - as long as getting older doesn't mean being old.
1. We no longer give a crap about what people think about us.
2. We can say almost anything and get away with it.
3. At certain ages, we can get senior discounts.
I've noticed a few more interesting changes that seemed to have happened overnight.
1. I've started looking at women who wear knee high stockings rolled down to their shoes as being ingenious and stylish. OK, maybe I'm only at the beginning phase of this one but I did buy a 10 pack of knee highs.
2. I'm beginning to hanker after some cool orthopedic shoes - like Z-coil and MBT
3. I'm starting to admire grey hair (but I'm not quite ready to HAVE grey hair)
4. The brain cells related to remembering people's names are slothing away but I can tell you my phone number from when I was 8 years old. How cool is that?
Fortunately there is a part of my brain that hasn't aged. It's the part that thinks I can dance the night away doing the twist, jitterbug and mashed potatoes - but luckily my muscles - and joints - know better! It's the part that still thinks Johnny Depp is hotter than Michael Douglas even though I'm old enough to be Johnny's - - big sister - OK, mother. It's the part that still wants to try out for The Amazing Race or run a marathon (do they make Z-coil shoes for marathoners?) It's the part that says age doesn't matter when it comes to passion - for anything or any body.
There are cool things about getting older - as long as getting older doesn't mean being old.
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