I remember when my Dad was a car repair expert. No matter what kind of problem we had, he would get out his screwdrivers, pliers and duct tape - and magically the car was running again. To this day, I carry those things in my car for an emergency. I figured that if I broke down on the side of the road and waved my magical tools in the air, someone would stop to help, being impressed with my knowledge.
Although I do still carry those things around, they have become pretty much obsolete since computers in cars took over. And this is the same thing that happened with remote controls.
I used to be able to pick up the remote, hit the power button and click on the channel and waa-laaa, I was watching TV. Then I got cable. So I had 2 remotes to deal with - one to turn on the TV and one to turn on the cable box. I kept both remotes on the coffee table, ready for action, when a friend came to stay with me for a few days. I was out walking Seymour when she decided to watch TV. While I was walking, I started to worry that I hadn't left her directions on how to turn on the TV. It was a bit complicated. But, when I got back, there she was, watching a morning show while eating her cereal. I was just about to compliment her on her electronic knowledge when she remarked "You know that you don't need both remotes because this one turns on the TV and the cable". What?? For 2 years I was so proud of myself for figuring out how to turn on the TV and cable and in 5 minutes, someone who has never even seen my remote controls before finds the shortcut to power. It was a little embarrassing but I've gotten used to that feeling over the years.
I think I'm a quick learner so I immediately - and proudly - began using my universal remote. Technology wasn't getting ahead of me after all - I thought.
Last night I went to my daughter's house to take care of her dogs while she was away. I decided to watch their enormous TV while I was playing with the dogs. I looked for the remote - and found 3. I tried to match them to the electronics they had piled in their TV cabinet. I found the one that went with the TV and I was pretty sure I found the one to the cable. First, I pressed "power" on the TV remote - nothing happened. Then I took the other remote and pressed TV, then power - and nothing again. I went up to the TV to see if there was a button somewhere I could press to turn it on and couldn't find anything. Finally after jabbing every possible button, the TV went on but the screen was fuzzy. I again pressed every button that seemed like it would do something but still, no picture or sound.
I stared at the cable remote until my eyes started to water and saw that a couple buttons had nothing on them - possibly rubbed off from overuse, which was a positive sign. I pressed both - nothing. Then I decided that I had to press the keys in a certain order, so I tried "cable" - "power" - "channel" - "blank key". Nope. After minutes of pressing keys in various order, I was wishing each key would have a different sound so I could entertain myself by playing tunes. "Blank", "blank", "cable", "cable", "Power", "blank", "channel" . . . As entertaining as that was in my head, my eyes were getting bored staring at the fuzzy screen. Five minutes and an Excedrin later, I got the TV power to go off. I lined the remotes on the couch and slipped a note under them saying "I think I broke your TV and Cable. The dogs are fine."
Technology stuck it's tongue out as it passed me.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Olympic Couture
What is with the clothes the USA teams are wearing to compete this year? Do they get extra points for showing up in tacky outfits? I'm not saying that my taste in clothes is any better but no one sees me in my mismatched, stretched-out sweats except the people in our grocery store and most of them are dressed like me. If I were going to be on TV, I might make more of an effort when choosing my outerwear, at least.
The distracting outfits this year are worn by the ski team. They seriously look like PJs. I know they have little stars all over their uniforms but I also know I've seen that same look with little bunnies on the JCP racks.
Did they really hire people to design these clothes or did they find a clearance sale? Maybe they are trying to show us that they need government support? Our great athletes are doing just about everything on their own, from training to transportation to get to the Olympics so I'm sure they have little money left for their uniforms. It's like being in the Girl Scouts - you have to purchase the specific clothing everyone else wears, whether you look good in green or not.
The good news is that they can go from their event to bed without having to change. I've always wanted to go from bed to the grocery store without having to change so I do admire that aspect.
I think that for the 2014 Olympics they should let the contestants on Project Runway come up with some new ideas. Olympic Couture on the runway - Tim Gunn would be proud!
The distracting outfits this year are worn by the ski team. They seriously look like PJs. I know they have little stars all over their uniforms but I also know I've seen that same look with little bunnies on the JCP racks.
Did they really hire people to design these clothes or did they find a clearance sale? Maybe they are trying to show us that they need government support? Our great athletes are doing just about everything on their own, from training to transportation to get to the Olympics so I'm sure they have little money left for their uniforms. It's like being in the Girl Scouts - you have to purchase the specific clothing everyone else wears, whether you look good in green or not.
The good news is that they can go from their event to bed without having to change. I've always wanted to go from bed to the grocery store without having to change so I do admire that aspect.
I think that for the 2014 Olympics they should let the contestants on Project Runway come up with some new ideas. Olympic Couture on the runway - Tim Gunn would be proud!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sometimes Laughter Causes Pocketbooks to Open
I've been working on getting rid of "stuff" I've had for years and have not used. After writing ad after ad and getting OK results, I got a little punchy and started adding humor to my descriptions. I ended up having fun with it and one guy said he bought my item because my ad made him laugh and asked if I could help him write some ads. Could this be a new business? The following are ads I have or are going to write.
Exercise Step - Due to getting lazy, am selling my exercise step. Like new, since it seemed to prefer living under my bed than having me step on it. It might like your feet better.
Set of Regalware - 3 saucepans and skillet with lids. The saucepans are in great condition but the skillet has some burnt on grease due to my cooking philosophy "If it's not black, it's not done." This ad was covertly written by the skillet.
2-Room Tent - never used. Got intimidated when I read that it goes up in 10 minutes. I can't even figure out how to put the batteries in my camping lantern in that amount of time. This tent needs to belong to someone with more confidence.
Pasta maker - I don't know what I was thinking. Never used - looks like an old wringer washing machine, which I also bought - and sold - without using. I would keep it if I could figure out how to make it into a planter. Perfect for just about anyone but me.
Easy Up Gazebo - never used but all of the pieces are now in a large baggie and I am working on trying to iron smooth and tape back together the impossible to follow instructions. Cheap!
Exercise Step - Due to getting lazy, am selling my exercise step. Like new, since it seemed to prefer living under my bed than having me step on it. It might like your feet better.
Set of Regalware - 3 saucepans and skillet with lids. The saucepans are in great condition but the skillet has some burnt on grease due to my cooking philosophy "If it's not black, it's not done." This ad was covertly written by the skillet.
2-Room Tent - never used. Got intimidated when I read that it goes up in 10 minutes. I can't even figure out how to put the batteries in my camping lantern in that amount of time. This tent needs to belong to someone with more confidence.
Pasta maker - I don't know what I was thinking. Never used - looks like an old wringer washing machine, which I also bought - and sold - without using. I would keep it if I could figure out how to make it into a planter. Perfect for just about anyone but me.
Easy Up Gazebo - never used but all of the pieces are now in a large baggie and I am working on trying to iron smooth and tape back together the impossible to follow instructions. Cheap!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Watching the Olympics With My Dog
I love watching the Olympics! Seymour loves sleeping beside me. The two don't mesh well together. The problem is that I am not a "quiet" couch potato like I am when I'm watching, say, "America's Next Top Model" or CNN. Seymour is used to the normal me - a person who can sit in front of the TV for 3 hours watching and listening, but not commenting on what I see. Mainly because I am busy eating popcorn, but still -
The Olympics is a different story. I'm as nervous as the parents and coaches of each Olympian. When they make a mistake, I jump and yell "oh no!" and Seymour jumps and puts his nose almost on mine while looking in my eyes. He is trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I tell him everything is OK and try to get him to lay back down when I abruptly shout again at two snowboarders who crash into each other. Seymour again pops up and gets in my face - just staring at me. If he could talk I know he'd be saying "What is your friggin' problem? You are severely disrupting my sleep and I am not a happy dog right now. Now settle down!" The more I yell at the TV the longer Seymour locks eyes with me in undisguised disgust. I find that I break eye contact first, he is that good. If he had opposing thumbs he would be using the squirt bottle on me.
Apparently, he does not seem to see the irony in the fact that he sometimes runs out the doggie door (I have to remember to lock that thing) at midnight, barking incessantly at - whatever - while ignoring my efforts to quiet him down and get him back in the house. Talk about losing sleep and trying to quiet the adrenaline rush I go through each time that happens. But I don't stare him down when he finally comes in. I do not see the difference here.
I realize that he is just a dog - and as such should not have control over how I watch TV, but I also understand that he needs his sleep and for 2 weeks I will be disrupting it. I am willing to compromise a bit - if he limits his midnight barking, I will work on using only my facial expressions and finger clenching, with no audible sounds, during emotional parts of the games. We are currently in negotiations.
The Olympics is a different story. I'm as nervous as the parents and coaches of each Olympian. When they make a mistake, I jump and yell "oh no!" and Seymour jumps and puts his nose almost on mine while looking in my eyes. He is trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I tell him everything is OK and try to get him to lay back down when I abruptly shout again at two snowboarders who crash into each other. Seymour again pops up and gets in my face - just staring at me. If he could talk I know he'd be saying "What is your friggin' problem? You are severely disrupting my sleep and I am not a happy dog right now. Now settle down!" The more I yell at the TV the longer Seymour locks eyes with me in undisguised disgust. I find that I break eye contact first, he is that good. If he had opposing thumbs he would be using the squirt bottle on me.
Apparently, he does not seem to see the irony in the fact that he sometimes runs out the doggie door (I have to remember to lock that thing) at midnight, barking incessantly at - whatever - while ignoring my efforts to quiet him down and get him back in the house. Talk about losing sleep and trying to quiet the adrenaline rush I go through each time that happens. But I don't stare him down when he finally comes in. I do not see the difference here.
I realize that he is just a dog - and as such should not have control over how I watch TV, but I also understand that he needs his sleep and for 2 weeks I will be disrupting it. I am willing to compromise a bit - if he limits his midnight barking, I will work on using only my facial expressions and finger clenching, with no audible sounds, during emotional parts of the games. We are currently in negotiations.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Day One of New Diet
1. Get out of bed, totally motivated that this will be a good day to start a diet. I'm not even hungry yet but they say you should never skip breakfast. So I rummage through the kitchen to find something healthy.
2. I find that my breakfast choices are:
a. Grapefruit that is starting to mold
b. Individual Oatmeal packet that appears to have a small hole in it - not sure what could be living inside.
c. Yogurt with an expiration date of July 20007
d. A movie-sized box of Whoppers - partially healthy since I think it's made with malted milk (whatever that is?)
3. Finish my coffee with light soy milk - and my Whoppers and decide I better go to the grocery store for diet-friendly food.
4. Write my grocery list - salad fixings, fruit, chicken, fresh veggies and yogurt - I'm very motivated!
5. Head into the grocery store and have to fight my way through the cute little Girl Scouts holding Girl Scout cookies under my nose. Resist, with pride.
6. Go straight to the fruits and vegges aisle and load up on healthy food items.
7. Pat myself on the back (in my head) and stand 5th person back in the check-out line. To keep myself occupied I check out the magazines and glance at the candy and the one-portion sized cookie bags. Again, no temptation.
8. The grey-haired lady 2 persons in front of me has her groceries all bagged and she is finally digging through her purse looking for her check book. I roll my eyes and they land on the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. I'm feeling strong and in control and practice my deep breathing exercises.
9. Grey-haired woman finds checkbook but there are no checks left so she had to run out to her car to get more checks - well not exactly "run", more like hobble. I close my eyes and inhale so deeply that I start to get lightheaded. When I open my eyes to steady myself, I am looking straight at the RPC - again. Nope, I tell my brain, you don't need chocolate because you are stressed! I resist.
10. Finally, here comes the lady and she borrows a pen to slowly write her check. She doesn't seem to have her driver's license with her so the cashier calls for a manager. I know this is just a test for me to see if I can stand in a candy aisle for 30 minutes with succumbing to temptation. I can do it!
11. Finally grey-haired lady finishes torturing me and leaves - and I still have no chocolate in my cart.
12. The person in front of me unloads her cart - filled with candy, cookies and a Birthday cake. She mentions she is having a party - right!! I've used that excuse before and I discretely admire my healthy cart.
13. I made it through check out - without chocolate or sweets! To say that I'm proud of myself is a major understatement.
14. I am putting my change in my wallet as I walk out the grocery store door - and into a little Girl Scout holding a box of Thin Mints. I feel awful when I see her try to hide the tears as I help her up. I tell her how sorry I am - and purchase 2 boxes of Thin Mints. I really had no choice.
15. I load the groceries into my back seat - and the Thin Mints into my front seat.
16. I decide I was meant to start my diet tomorrow.
2. I find that my breakfast choices are:
a. Grapefruit that is starting to mold
b. Individual Oatmeal packet that appears to have a small hole in it - not sure what could be living inside.
c. Yogurt with an expiration date of July 20007
d. A movie-sized box of Whoppers - partially healthy since I think it's made with malted milk (whatever that is?)
3. Finish my coffee with light soy milk - and my Whoppers and decide I better go to the grocery store for diet-friendly food.
4. Write my grocery list - salad fixings, fruit, chicken, fresh veggies and yogurt - I'm very motivated!
5. Head into the grocery store and have to fight my way through the cute little Girl Scouts holding Girl Scout cookies under my nose. Resist, with pride.
6. Go straight to the fruits and vegges aisle and load up on healthy food items.
7. Pat myself on the back (in my head) and stand 5th person back in the check-out line. To keep myself occupied I check out the magazines and glance at the candy and the one-portion sized cookie bags. Again, no temptation.
8. The grey-haired lady 2 persons in front of me has her groceries all bagged and she is finally digging through her purse looking for her check book. I roll my eyes and they land on the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. I'm feeling strong and in control and practice my deep breathing exercises.
9. Grey-haired woman finds checkbook but there are no checks left so she had to run out to her car to get more checks - well not exactly "run", more like hobble. I close my eyes and inhale so deeply that I start to get lightheaded. When I open my eyes to steady myself, I am looking straight at the RPC - again. Nope, I tell my brain, you don't need chocolate because you are stressed! I resist.
10. Finally, here comes the lady and she borrows a pen to slowly write her check. She doesn't seem to have her driver's license with her so the cashier calls for a manager. I know this is just a test for me to see if I can stand in a candy aisle for 30 minutes with succumbing to temptation. I can do it!
11. Finally grey-haired lady finishes torturing me and leaves - and I still have no chocolate in my cart.
12. The person in front of me unloads her cart - filled with candy, cookies and a Birthday cake. She mentions she is having a party - right!! I've used that excuse before and I discretely admire my healthy cart.
13. I made it through check out - without chocolate or sweets! To say that I'm proud of myself is a major understatement.
14. I am putting my change in my wallet as I walk out the grocery store door - and into a little Girl Scout holding a box of Thin Mints. I feel awful when I see her try to hide the tears as I help her up. I tell her how sorry I am - and purchase 2 boxes of Thin Mints. I really had no choice.
15. I load the groceries into my back seat - and the Thin Mints into my front seat.
16. I decide I was meant to start my diet tomorrow.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Really Bad Reality Shows on My TVo
I have many vices like chocolate, 1 star romantic movies and well, more chocolate - but the vice I couldn't bring myself to include on my New Years resolution list is watching some bad reality shows. The good reality shows like "The Amazing Race", "Project Runway", "Tabatha's Salon", and "Shear Genius" have some adventure, intellectual and creative value to me. The bad ones actually make me cringe and make weird frowny-faces. In spite of increased wrinkles around my mouth, I continue to watch them.
The two that make me think I need a 12 step program and an admission that I am a bad reality show junky are "Launch My Line" and "High School Reunion". This was the first season of "Launch My Line" and since I like "Project Runway" so much (I actually bought a mannequin I was so inspired) I decided to check it out. The premise is that aspiring designers, with no training are paired with real designers who help them sew the clothing that they create. I was getting a feeling that this wasn't going to be a top-grade reality show (yes, there is such a thing) when 2 of the judges were dress shop owners. They are called "fashion notables" on the Bravo website. That's like me being a judge of a line of sportswear because I'm a "frequent sweat pants wearer". The hosts are designers Dean and Dan of DSQUARED2. Now I have to admit that I don't know what they design but I want to tell them - gently - that men their age should not be dressing alike anymore. They not only dress alike but they finish each other's sentences and walk identically onto the stage and onward to the judges chairs. My frown lines grow deeper every time I watch them. The contestants were certainly chosen for the drama and the bickering is a big part of the show. The only saving grace is that they did have Fergie come on to give each finalist some kind of compliment - she must have lost a bet. The season is finally over and I only hope that my TVo forgets that I have a season pass to this show.
The other awful show that I've started watching again is "High School Reunion". This show actually used to be interesting. I watched it a few years ago and I liked the concept. A group of people get back together 10 or 20 years after they graduated from high school and they get to meet up with old loves or confront the bullies of their youth. I totally forgot about the show until I happened to be flipping through channels and found it again. I don't know what happened to the writers, but I think they now only come up with story lines after a night of drinking and not sleeping. I am actually embarrassed for the people on the show - and for me for watching it. This season, a group from a high school in Las Vegas get together in Hawaii. They label each person like "the jock","the cheerleader", "the player", "the nerd", "the prankster", "the late bloomer" and "the summer girls". It's bad enough that 20 years after graduation you have these labels but then they add two guys from a rival school that crash the reunion. Sadly, they could only find one single guy so they brought a married guy with him who says he's just here as the "wing man". I'm not sure what he told his wife about this gig, but I doubt she will be telling her friends and neighbors to tune in. The rival guys spray paint their high school name on the other's high school banner and toilet paper the rooms. Really??? These people are 38 years old! Have they not grown up at all in 20 years? The cliches keep coming on this show. The "summer girls" are botoxed and wear skimpy clothes, the "nerd" has a secret that she is now an exotic dancer but she still holds a grunge against the popular girls because she was never able to get into the "in" crowd. The "jock", who had been dating the "cheerleader" for years in high school, only to fool around on her, ended up tossing her aside again for the "late bloomer". This is so contrived and stupid that I can't believe that I am watching it (It's not over yet). The interesting thing is that this show is at least partially real because they are asking people who graduated in 1990 to apply for the next season. I'm not sure that 15 minutes of fame is worth 20 or 30 years of humiliation. I'm not saying that I am not going to finish watching it, but I am publicly admitting that I have a problem and as soon as this season is over, I'm going to consider addressing it.
The two that make me think I need a 12 step program and an admission that I am a bad reality show junky are "Launch My Line" and "High School Reunion". This was the first season of "Launch My Line" and since I like "Project Runway" so much (I actually bought a mannequin I was so inspired) I decided to check it out. The premise is that aspiring designers, with no training are paired with real designers who help them sew the clothing that they create. I was getting a feeling that this wasn't going to be a top-grade reality show (yes, there is such a thing) when 2 of the judges were dress shop owners. They are called "fashion notables" on the Bravo website. That's like me being a judge of a line of sportswear because I'm a "frequent sweat pants wearer". The hosts are designers Dean and Dan of DSQUARED2. Now I have to admit that I don't know what they design but I want to tell them - gently - that men their age should not be dressing alike anymore. They not only dress alike but they finish each other's sentences and walk identically onto the stage and onward to the judges chairs. My frown lines grow deeper every time I watch them. The contestants were certainly chosen for the drama and the bickering is a big part of the show. The only saving grace is that they did have Fergie come on to give each finalist some kind of compliment - she must have lost a bet. The season is finally over and I only hope that my TVo forgets that I have a season pass to this show.
The other awful show that I've started watching again is "High School Reunion". This show actually used to be interesting. I watched it a few years ago and I liked the concept. A group of people get back together 10 or 20 years after they graduated from high school and they get to meet up with old loves or confront the bullies of their youth. I totally forgot about the show until I happened to be flipping through channels and found it again. I don't know what happened to the writers, but I think they now only come up with story lines after a night of drinking and not sleeping. I am actually embarrassed for the people on the show - and for me for watching it. This season, a group from a high school in Las Vegas get together in Hawaii. They label each person like "the jock","the cheerleader", "the player", "the nerd", "the prankster", "the late bloomer" and "the summer girls". It's bad enough that 20 years after graduation you have these labels but then they add two guys from a rival school that crash the reunion. Sadly, they could only find one single guy so they brought a married guy with him who says he's just here as the "wing man". I'm not sure what he told his wife about this gig, but I doubt she will be telling her friends and neighbors to tune in. The rival guys spray paint their high school name on the other's high school banner and toilet paper the rooms. Really??? These people are 38 years old! Have they not grown up at all in 20 years? The cliches keep coming on this show. The "summer girls" are botoxed and wear skimpy clothes, the "nerd" has a secret that she is now an exotic dancer but she still holds a grunge against the popular girls because she was never able to get into the "in" crowd. The "jock", who had been dating the "cheerleader" for years in high school, only to fool around on her, ended up tossing her aside again for the "late bloomer". This is so contrived and stupid that I can't believe that I am watching it (It's not over yet). The interesting thing is that this show is at least partially real because they are asking people who graduated in 1990 to apply for the next season. I'm not sure that 15 minutes of fame is worth 20 or 30 years of humiliation. I'm not saying that I am not going to finish watching it, but I am publicly admitting that I have a problem and as soon as this season is over, I'm going to consider addressing it.
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