How to Deliver Bad News That Sounds Good

My daughter and I have gone to see traveling Broadway plays for years. We know that when get our program pamphlet we need to open it over our laps so that we don't have to bend down to the floor to pick up all of the white pieces of paper that are bound to fall out. These are lists of substitutes who will be in the play. It makes me wonder what the main actors were doing the night before to cause them to miss the show. I am guessing they were partying together somewhere because there is never only one substitute. It's not like John woke up with a cold; it's like John, Peter, Mary and Jesse all went to an "All you can drink in 4 hours for $5.00" bar. None make it to our performance. Last weekend was a first. No white papers fell out of our program. I could hardly suppress my excitement. We will finally see the best of the best. But when I looked at the list of characters, beside the main character, it stated: "Little Pete will be played by Mark, Blake, Sheldon, Luke, or Kingston." OK, I can deal with that. At least their names were important enough to print in the program. Then just before the performance, a woman came on stage. She said she was the "assistant choreographer". The "assistant"? Hmmm. She started to tell us that we were in for an exciting, special night. The lead character wasn't going to be played by Mark, Blake, Sheldon, Luke or Kingston. No, we were the very lucky and special audience that got to see the premiere performance (ie, never on the stage before) of a new lead. And, the other exciting thing was that his family was there to cheer him on! Yipee! So, his name wasn't even pre-printed on a piece of paper stuffed into our program. He was that new! Oh, the crowd cheered. The family was even there! Next the "assistant" started going through the rest of the list of substitutions. Even the Tree had a substitute. I wonder if they found a person dressed in some shade of green as they were coming in the theater and offered them the job? After she finished the long list of substitutes, I was waiting for more: "And the orchestra will be played by a cassette player." "And the theater will be played by the parking garage across the street". Make your way over there and "Enjoy the show!"