Christmas Memories

Here are some of my random Christmas memories that may be familiar to many:

1. As a small child, I remember waking up in the middle of the night and sneaking downstairs to see what Santa brought. Sometimes the gifts were unwrapped, like bikes, baby doll high chairs and sleds. I could hardly contain myself as I eyed those exciting toys and couldn't wait to play with them in the morning - only to find that the favorite gifts I had anticipated were for my brother or sister.

2. As a teenager I still couldn't sleep and still couldn't wait to see what I was getting. Even though we often picked clothes out of a catalog that my parents would purchase and wrap, I just HAD to see them ahead of time. I found all of the secret hiding places in my parents room and sometimes even got a few of the gifts open and re-wrapped without notice. I think I had to do that since the anticipation was so high I had to release some of the tension or I probably would have died of a stress attack on Christmas Eve. Thankfully I was able to use the gift search to keep my health in check and because of that, I never succumbed to a near death experience prior to Christmas.

3. I could never sleep on Christmas Eve. It didn't matter if I was 5 or 15 or 25, the excitement and thoughts of seeing the gifts on Christmas morning under the tree (maybe for the second time that night) kept me awake. As soon as it was morning - which had to start no later than 5:30 am in my life, I ran downstairs, turned on Christmas music to wake everyone else up - and sat near my pile of presents. My parents were always up at that time. After I had left home, I continued to call my parents on Christmas morning at about 6 am (to give them a chance to get their coffee). After mulitple years of doing this, they finally told me that they quit getting up that early after the kids left - and they rolled over and went back to sleep after my call. Who knew?

4. My sister and I ended up having different traditions related to Christmas morning. When we were grown (and probably past the age when this should matter) We used to take turns going to each other's houses for Christmas morning. When we were at my house, we got up early, turned on Christmas music, started the coffee and tore into the Christmas gifts. We took time to see what each person received but spent the most time excitedly opening our gifts. When we went to my sister's house, we would get up pretty early, start the coffee, possibly remember to put on the Christmas music and then start the tedious chore of passing out one gift each, and watching each person open and then ooohh and ahhhh over their gifts. It was often lunch time by the time all of the gifts had been open. If my sister had full control over the gift exchanges, she would have been even happier if the process lasted until dinner. We are the Patience and "Power-thru-the-Gifts" sisters - and it's not hard to know which is which.

No matter how old I get and how many different Christmas traditions I've lived through, I still feel that wonder and anticipation of Christmas morning. This year I'll be spending Christmas morning with my daughter, son-in-law and grandson. But before I go there, I know I'll be up very early, will turn on my Christmas music, make my coffee and open my first Christmas gift while Seymour opens his. I'm keeping that tradition - and those memories - ongoing. I can't wait!

Should We Be Singing This Christmas Song?

I've been listening to hours of Christmas music already and we still have a couple of weeks until that holiday. Today, while trying to sing one of my favorite songs in a high, squeaky soprano voice, I gave up and just listened to the words. The more I listened, the more unrealistic the song sounded.

Think about this - as the story goes, Mary had to give birth in a barn without even room for a cradle. We know she had an immaculate conception but I have never read that the birth was done the same way. I'm pretty sure she gave birth just like the rest of us women. So, she's cold, tired, and in a barn with farm animals. I think Joseph must have been outside directing traffic to the new baby.

Then, along comes a boy with a drum! Really, is that what Mary wants to hear just after giving birth? I'm sure she wants her baby to get some sleep but this boy says he has no money for gifts but he can play the drum for her. Let's get real here. Any normal mom would politely decline since I don't think they had Excedrin back then.

Now, a more appropriate gift might be for him to hum to the baby. It should have been "Little Hummer Boy". I know that some of the words in the song would need changed but I think it would be worth it for the sanity of Mary and her baby. Instead of saying "The ox and lamb kept time", they might have to leave the lamb out of it and just say "the oxen hummed along".

Remembering those first days after giving birth, I know I couldn't have handled anyone drumming for me - now humming - quietly might work.

I'm just saying -

The Evolution of Man - Another Theory

I totally agree with the Cave man theory - man was the hunter and the woman was the gatherer. It also makes sense that man today is the BBQ-er; fire and animal meat - it's still in their genes. Just as women have no choice but to be shoppers / gatherers. But there are a couple missing links, so to speak. What happened to the cookers and cleaners? You never hear about them. The theory doesn't mention that the women who were bringing home what they gathered ever put things away. They probably just made sure there was a path from the door to their sleeping area - and to the BBQ. They weren't meant to do anything else.

I think there originally were cookers and cleaners, but I'm not sure if they were males or females, human or ape. I can just imagine them scurrying around trying to keep order in the caves as more and more "stuff" came in. The cookers rarely left their fire because they were always trying to keep up with the number of side dishes they needed to prepare to go with the BBQ. Those were thankless jobs. I'm sure the gatherers and hunters were always on the cookers and cleaners, wondering what they did all day. My theory is that the thankless lot finally had enough and all jumped off the closest mountain. They were extinct long before the dinosaurs.

I wish just one had lived. I really need help putting away my groceries.

Christmas Gift Guideless

It's that time of year. It's too late to tell the friends and relatives you haven't seen since Clinton was President that maybe we shouldn't exchange gifts anymore. Once Thanksgiving passes, you've missed your window of opportunity so you try again to pick gifts that might be appropriate.

The problem is that when you haven't seen people in years, you really don't know what they look like, what they like to do or that they have become vegans in their food and clothing selection. It might have been nice to know that Aunt Nancy's eyesight is failing before I sent her the New Age version of the New Testament in the pocket-sized edition. Or someone might have told me that my cousin Mary went from a size 6 to 22 before I sent her that cute mini sweater dress.

I then realized that the best gifts were the non-personal kind. Who wouldn't want a basket filled with Ghirardelli coffee and chocolates - except for my mother who has eliminated caffeine - especially chocolate - from her diet. Who wouldn't want a basket of cheese and salomi except my dad who was told that he could die if he kept eating fatty foods.

But it's not just the giving that difficult. I'm also on the receiving end of gifts that people think I might like. When I was in my 30s, my grandma sent me a Hello Kitty sweatshirt. In my 40s, my grandma sent me a Hello Kitty shoulder bag. You hate to hurt their feelings so you just put the items in your closet, waiting a couple years so you can re-gift them for your Aunt Nancy and cousin Mary. I know that the time will pass quickly and I again, unwrap - Hello Kitty.