How Not to Become a Little Old Man - 12 Simple Rules

1. When you put on your pants and pull them up, lower them at least 3 inches before you tighten your belt.
2. Nod your head as if you understand when someone says "That's so fierce!".
3. If you fall asleep on the plane and find that you have been drooling, mention to the person next to you that there is a leak above your head.
4. Every time you leave the men's room, check to be sure you haven't zipped your underwear in your fly.
5. No matter how spicy a meal is, smile and say "bring it on" - and discreetly cover your face with your napkin while swallowing a roll of Tums.
6. Remember that a "comb-over" makes you look older- try shoe polish instead.
7. No matter how cool you think it looks, don't wear black socks with sandals - really, don't wear any socks with sandals.
8. If you laugh, cough or sneeze, quickly eyeball your crotch. A wet spot on the front of your pants is a sure sign of an emerging old man.
9. Continue to trust your friends - but never trust a fart!
10. Don't ever ask anyone to guess your age - you'll either be shocked at how old others think you are (especially when they guess right!) or you'll know that a "low ball" guess means that person really thinks you're old.
11. Don't use slang to sound young - "golly gee", "he's square" and "that's the bees knees" will sound a like a foreign language to the below 50 crowd.
12. Don't mix plaids and stripes, knee-high socks with shorts or wear matching outfits with your spouse - unless you are comfortable and proud of being a "little old man".