Some Instructions Could Be Clearer

Why is it that some items have the most asinine instructions such as "plastic bag is not meant to go over head" or " Styrofoam peanuts are not eatable". Yet some things that should have very clear instructions, are missing highly pertinent points.

For example, I recently had my first colonoscopy and had to take those little white pills the afternoon before. The following is all of the information I received:

1. Drink at least 8 large glasses of water throughout the day (piece of cake!)
2. Take 4 tablets with 8 oz of clear liquid (does that mean another 8 oz. or is it part of my original 8 glasses? I'm not sure I can drink another glass of clear liquid even if it came in the form of a light beer!)
3. Repeat once every 15 minutes for a total of 20 tablets (so it sounds like I have to have an additional 8 oz. of clear liquid every 15 minutes - is that even possible?)
4. 8 PM take 4 pills with 8 oz. of clear liquid (nooooooo) and repeat every 15 minutes until all remaining pills are finished. (I think I've heard of someone drowning by drinking excessive liquid. I better look that up on google before I harm myself)

That was it for the instructions. What was I to expect next? Of course, I knew that what goes in, must come out - in great amounts! What they should have added was "if you were not one of the top 3 finishers in the 100 yard dash, do not attempt to leave your house." That would have been a very helpful tidbit of information. And then they could have added "When you think you are all cleaned out, you aren't. Move a chair into your bathroom and bring a good book - or two".

Because I didn't receive those additional useful instructions, I did not hire a dog-walker - or even someone to check my mail. Those are on my "must do" list for the next time - if there is a next time.

So,with my dog jumping like he was on a pogo stick every time I stood up during the day, and then being disappointed that I didn't head toward the front door, I finally had to take him out for his evening constitutional. I made another stop in my now least favorite room of my house before we (he) excitedly pranced out of the door. I was cautious at first but by the time I got across my front yard, I was feeling pretty confident. We started sniffing (he) and trotting (he) down the street, happy to be out of the house. By the time we got about 3 houses down the block, I could hear my stomach start to rumble and moan. Actually the moaning was coming from my throat when I realized that I was too far from my house to get back in time.

Mid-leg up, I quickly pulled my questioning and frustrated dog toward my house. He was having none of it. This was his time and he wanted to enjoy it. Not to get too graphic but when one has to do "number 1", it can be held back by crossing one's legs but there is no way that I have figured out to hold back "number 2" so I usually resort to the "number 1" method. Things started happening quickly. Between the internal (and soon to be external ) explosion, my new running technique of running as if my knees has been super-glued together and being hunched over while dragging a dog who still only had 3 useful legs, we were a sight to see. Usually a neighbor or two stops me to visit but I think anyone seeing us that night probably thought I was practicing for the lead in "Hunchback of Notre Dame" and shouldn't be disturbed.

Of course I didn't make it back in time but all I can say is that I was thankful to be wearing black.
I don't need to go in to the gory details because that would be too much information but this all leads back to my original premise - it would be nice if some important instructions could be a bit more detailed!