At Least I'm Consistent

I don't get it. Just about every time I have to make a choice - I choose wrong. I know there are other people like me, especially in grocery stores. You scan the check-out lines to pick the shortest one or the one with people with the fewest groceries and find that "perfect" line - you think. Nope, you again chose the wrong line. But, there seems to always be someone else in the same line who comments that they too, end up choosing the line with people needing a price check, a personal check written, or a mental check. I wish I could discretely ask people in my line if they are check-out challenged, so I can make a less wrong choice. I could lie, to no one in particular "I am pretty good at choosing check out lines" and if someone comments, "Well, I'm glad I'm in your line", I can respond - to no one in particular - "Oh, I forgot to get . . ." and quickly leave that line. I just don't want to find myself looking like the Pied Piper with hapless shoppers following me to my check out line thinking I'm the chosen one.

So, I am now having to drive in traffic every day to a new job. For part of the trip, there are 3 lanes. Since I have had lots of time sitting in traffic, watching cars all around me whizzing by, I've done some mental calculations of which lane I should be in at what part of my trip. I usually give it two days of "study" before I make the "lane" committment. It seems that the left or right hand lanes move faster than the middle lane. So, I choose, say, the right lane - the faster, don't use it unless you are speeding lane - and traffic screeches to a halt moments after someone finally lets me in. I can not understand why the "fast" lane is at a dead stop when the other 2 lanes are breezing by. How can the right lane, where people are entering the freeway, be traffic - free while I sit at a stand still entertaining myself by trying to name all 50 States - and capitals - and flowers. I'm thinking of getting a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you always choose the wrong lane" so I have a bit of help here.

Is George Burns my guardian angel? I can just see him laughing so hard, he's choking on his cigar and thanking his lucky stars he was matched with me. I do believe the voice in my head, helping me to make choices is a raspy male voice - I'm just saying.