Deer Me!

Deer are big, fast, some have antlers, some have babies, and they eat most everything in the yard. Although almost as many deer as people live in my neighborhood, that is the extent of what I know about deer. Well, that was the extent of what I knew about deer until this week.

I came home from walking the dogs and noticed what appeared to be a mound in my front yard next to the fence. My old eyes first thought it was a large mound of dirt - we do have fire ants here. Then I thought it might be a large plastic bag that blew against the fence - a much more acceptable option. But as I walked a little closer, I saw that is was a deer laying on the ground. It had a big belly and I was pretty sure it was close to birthing season. I had no idea what to do about it.

I called a neighbor who said that most of the time the deer give birth standing up but if they are having problems, they often lay down. Great, what do I do about a pregnant deer who is having problems in my front yard? Do I call a vet?

Deciding to get another opinion I called another neighbor who is pretty knowledgable about wildlife. I asked if he could just come by and see what he thought. He asked if it was breathing, and from my distant view - I wasn't going close - I couldn't tell. What if it jumped up and ran at me? Do deer have rabies? I could google, but I decided to wait for the expert opinion.

Soon my neighbor showed up and as gently as possible said "that deer is dead." I could see my IQ level going down in his estimation when he slowed his speech and enunciated his words when saying "Deer around here don't give birth for another two or three months. That swelling is from it being dead for at least a day or two." How did I not see it before? Now what do I do?

"You have a few options. We can drag it to the back of your truck and you can drive out to the country and dump it. You can call around to see if someone will take it away. Or you can bury it". I asked a rancher once what they did with a dead horse. He said they buried it. I couldn't imagine digging a hole big enough to bury a horse! Especially in rocky Texas!. Now I find that is one of my options. And in my opinion, it was the best. I just couldn't see myself driving around town with a dead deer in my truck. And how could I "fling" it out the back when I found a good place to do it? I didn't even want to get close to it in my yard. He said he would come back the next day to help me dig the hole.

After he left, another neighbor, a single "get-it-done" lady came over and offered to help me drag it down the street to her vacant lot and put it in the burn pile. Now, she lives about 1/2 a block away. "Yuck" was my first thought. Then I wondered what the other neighbors would think when they saw 2 older ladies dragging a deer down the road? I think there is a fine for killing a deer and I would not want to try to prove that it just up and keeled over in my yard. Besides, that thing would be heavy - and smelly. She then came up with the idea of bringing a wagon over and us hoisting the deer into the wagon to get it to her house. Now, the wagon is about 1/4 the size of the deer, and how would we lift the deer off of the ground enough to get it in to the wagon? And, how would we do it without getting too close to it? Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't even disect a frog in biology. I have to use a paper towel to pick up a dead insect. Carrying or even dragging a dead deer on to my truck or down my road did not appeal to me. So, it was back to the burying plan.

I got on Facebook to ask "how big of a hole do you dig to bury a deer". Responses were "Oh that poor deer", and "I'm so sorry for both of you." I would say "poor deer" also, if it hasn't chosen my front yard as it's last resting place. But no one gave me dimensions for a deer burial plot.

Deciding not to wait for my neighbor, I started gathering all of my digging tools and then looked for a place to start working. I just couldn't bring myself to get too close to the "poor" deer - sorry I lost my compassion for the deer hours ago and was feeling sorry for myself. I finally decided to dig close but not where I would have to look at it with each shovel full of dirt. I am not the most physically fit person - but I was on a mission. To reward myself for my hard work, I took a break every 15 minutes or so to get my strengh back. Cookies help. Every time I was sure I got the hole big enough, I would eyeball the deer, sigh in disgust, and dig wider and deeper. I think the deer in our neighborhood are overfed.

The next day, my neighbor came over and finished the job for me. I will leave out the gory details but suffice to say I could not have done what he did. I let him know how much I appreciated his help with this and was thankful that the ordeal was over when he commented as he was leaving "Just watch that dogs or coyotes don't dig it up". Ahhh, crap. I run to my computer to google "how to keep a deer buried".