How To Get Along With Difficult People

I have taken more of these courses than I have fingers and toes and I still don't have all of the answers I need. Raised by a woman who was practicing to be a Jewish Mother, I have believed that any issue I have with someone else -or even any problem in the world must be my fault. Or if it's not totally my fault, I probably have one degree of separation from it.

Weinergate - was it partially because I'm addicted to perezhilton and TMZ - and always click on the picture that is blurred out to see the whole weiner - er picture.

Casey Anthony types - I should have worked harder in my Psychology Class so I could recognize people with memory problems ("So that new expanse is due to a good push-up bra?") from a full on loon?

Based on the courses I've taken, I found that I could present them, because what they call "difficult", I call "relatives".

My training would cover:
What do you do when people get mad at you and quit talking? "Be happy that you don't have to hear the stupid things they would say. Send them a Thank You card."

What about people who say mean things to you? "Look perplexed and point to your mouth and ears and start speaking gibberish and try to imitate what they are saying to you - with a gibberish accent." There is that weird disease where some people just start speaking with a foreign accent, so it could happen.

What can you do if someone is sabotaging your chance of getting a promotion by taking credit for your work? "Write the most important points of your work in code - pig latin would work. Then innocently ask her if she could read those points out loud." Even if you don't get the promotion, you will get some good belly laughs and we know that laughter is good for your health. The worst that can happen is that you will be the happiest, healthiest person in the unemployment line. Worse things could happen.

Those are the easy ones. I want a course on how to deal with people with a classified mental health problem. Those Narcissistic Personality Disorder types you have to team with who never make mistakes, need a mirrored glass as their computer screen and start every sentence with "I"? Or the bipolar-type boss who eggs you on to tell your jokes one day and puts a "Do Not Disturb - This Means You" sign on their door the next? These behaviors have not been covered in those courses - and I have re-read my notes.

I wonder if it is partially my fault that these are no course covering what I need? I'll have to ask my mother.