Night of the Living Dead - Shoppers Sequel

All I wanted to do was purchase a storage item. I found it online at a particular store and although I could have had it shipped to my house, I decided to save money and pick it up. Ninety minutes later with gas tank 1/2 empty, I was there. From the looks of the parking lot, there must have been major sales in this un-named store - I will just say that it rhymes with "I see ya".

Having only passed through this store once years ago, I quickly realized that I didn't know the rules. It didn't matter, I rationalized, I was only picking up one item and leaving. The first thing I noticed was that the store had very narrow and winding pathways that took you past various model rooms. The second thing I noticed was that everyone "lumbered" and "lallygagged". When I tried to pass them, I swear they all exhaled at the same time, thereby taking up more isle space. When that didn't deter me from trying to make a pass at the model kitchen room, I got looks like my mother used to give me when I asked what she weighed when we were in a check out line. It's like these people were possessed - and I'm wondering if it has something to do with something in those meatballs they sell there.

Anyway, I hurried, as much as you can hurry through the Night of the Living Dead Shoppers, while looking at the room signs to try to figure out which room would hold my storage item. It was interesting that we were all herded down these paths to nowhere in the store but periodically you'd see a sign that would say "Shortcut to Restaurant". I think that people finally give up trying to find their way back out of the store and just take that shortcut to the meatballs.

I finally found what I was looking for sitting in a model office. When I looked at the tag on the item, it said that I had to get it at the "self-serve" section, isle 9 bin 8. Where in the heck was that? I continued to wonder around the store, lost, dazed and starting to want meatballs, when miles - or days later - found the "self-serve" section. There were walls and walls of boxes and furniture. I was thankful I wasn't "self-serving" a couch because I had left my sumo wrestler friends at home. Unfortunately, my item was out of stock. Not to be deterred, I remembered that I saw a different item in one of the rooms that would also work. Ahhh, I was told, that self-serve item was back on the other side of the store, but there was a short cut - past the restaurant, I could take.

Back I went, past the people who had only gotten about 10 feet further than there were when I passed them the first time, and they were still exhaling and walking like they were wearing lead boots. Hours later I found what I needed and headed to check out - past the restaurant short cut. I was tempted to make a quick stop at the meatballs but I knew I had to find my way out before the store closed. I'm surprised they don't have model hotel rooms people can rent for the night. Whether it is exhaustion from winding around the store for hours or it's the meatballs, the shoppers in this store could give the cast of Night of the Living Dead a run - or drag - for their money. I'm glad I didn't eat the meatballs.