My Life and the Poop Butt

I never thought my life would get to this point. I now spend an inordinate amount of time intently looking at my dog's butt for signs of activity. Now, I try to have a pretty active life myself, but that's part of the problem. My dog, Seymour loves to take walks. I swear that he has learned that the longer he holds off the "activity", the longer he will be allowed to leisurely walk the neighborhood, the side of the road, the parking lots and even take the furtive trips onto private property.

I used to enjoy looking at the flowers, trees, into neighbor's open windows and pretty much viewing everything higher than 6 inches from the ground. Now I focus most of my time on Seymour's butt. We seem to be at am impasse. I know that he has full control over his butt and he uses it to tease me. Most dog owners know about the poop butt phenomena. That little butt hole grows to a bit "O" when it is ready to do you know what. I get a little excited when I see that "O" but I try to do a happy dance inside my head so he doesn't notice. Once he senses that I realize what is about to happen, he puts that poop butt away faster than Clark Kent can change into Superman. How can he have that much control? I have to cross my legs when I hear the song "Singing in the Rain".

We have developed a dysfunctional walking routine. I take him to all of the places that will tempt him so much that he can no longer control himself - like the high weeds along the road, any area where another dog has been or his favorite - right beside my mailbox. He gets excited, expands that butt and even does his little squat dance in circles but then straightens up and continues walking with a smirk on his little snout. I've worn out 3 pairs of shoes in the last month while he has learned to dribble 3 drops of pee every few blocks - and can somehow hold is poop for days.

I appreciate that he has increased my walking to almost marathon distance, but sometimes I need to do things like oh, go to work or maybe even use the restroom myself. He doesn't take that into consideration at all. I'm trying to see the positive in this and am sure I'm not the only one with a butt-controlling dog. I see a popular children's book in my future - My Life and the Poop Butt, a story of a tired woman and her dog.