What Not to Say to People in the Hospital

After a long week in the hospital, I recommend that the following are not said to a sick person:

1. "It's a good thing you got your passport picture done before you got sick."

2. "Can I bring you anything, like maybe some mascara?"

3. "You're going to lose lots of weight" (Thanks for the prediction - NOT!)

4. "My cousin had all of their colon removed" (Sorry I lost that competition, I'll try harder next time)

5. The response from the Nurse Aide after I said I thought the fluids might be going in too quickly since I had to drag myself to the restroom every 45 min - "Girl, that reminds me, I haven't gone at all. I totally forgot; it's not good to hold it in." (Shouldn't this be about me??)

6. Just prior to surgery I was told "We'll need to collect a deposit of $700. We can take cash, check or credit card". Gee, I'm sorry, I must have left those things in my other backless, buttless gown.

7. "Why didn't you go to the emergency room sooner?"

8. From the nurse "I haven't done this before. This is something the doctor usually does."

9. "We'll just try to find another vein."

10. "Don't worry, I'm not sick, something just must have gone down the wrong way."
This said while the nurse is coughing while looking for a good vein.

I'm not sure if it is just me or if this is a typical hospital experience. Luckily I came out with my funny bone still intact.