Living unbalanced

Due to some problems with my heels, most of my life savings has gone to "foot relief" remedies. I now own a foot and leg massager that is large enough to use as a snack table (in fact, that is now it's main function), a night splint (that doubles as a bug killer) and a multitude of orthopaedic shoes (that double as - dress shoes).

The night splint was a good idea and has given my heel some relief, but it has caused multiple bruises on my alternate lower leg during my unconscious hours. I can only imagine what I dream about when I hit my shin with the splint every time I turn over. Visions of torture, flesh-eaters, and severe pain come to mind. No wonder I often wake up crabby - but my heel feels great! I've decided to take a little break from the torture tube - I mean splint - until my shin returns to its natural skin color.

My newest self-inflicted "cure" involves funny-looking shoes. After "Googling", I found a couple of types of shoes that people rave about as the best thing for their heels since they paid their children 25 cents to rub their feet. One is called Z-coil. That particular brand is known for heels that make you look like you could drill for an oil well with only your shoe. If those coils were looser springs they would at least make it fun to run in slow motion - like you were on the moon. But no, they have enough "give" to take some of the pressure off of your heels but not enough to counter the embarrassment of being seen in public in them. No matter how stylish they try to make them in their ads, I guarantee that you will never see a model on a runway in those shoes.

I succumbed to the rave reviews and finally bought a pair on ebay. These at least had a cover over the heels so that the coil wasn't obvious. The first day I wore them as I strolled through town (actually "strolled" should be replaced with "lurched"), I noticed people trying to covertly stare at my feet. When I saw myself in a shop window, I looked like I should have "made by the Munsters" written across them. Now I only wear them to walk the dog before any of my neighbors have awakened. Really, walking a dog by flashlight is a fine way to start the day.

So, I still wanted some comfortable shoes and the other brand I found were MBTs. Again, the reviews were exceptional. People went from painful heels to running marathons in less than a week - OK not running marathons but maybe 5 Ks. These were very expensive shoes but not exceptionally unpleasant-looking. They are like having a thick rocking chair blade on the bottom of each shoe. You are supposed to walk in a rolling motion that helps strengthen your core, your back, and most importantly, your heel. It was worth a try. I did my trusty ebay search and came up with a pair of brown mary-janes in my size. I decided that I should purchase something a little more dressy so that I could wear them to work.

The day I got my new shoes I wore them around the house for about an hour to break them in. It took a bit of practice but thanks to having a lot of furniture to break my falls, I conquered the shoes.

The next day, I needed to work at a conference and felt that they would be the perfect shoes to wear for a long day of standing and walking. I rolled my way from the parking lot to our conference booth with nary a pain. I was feeling pretty pleased with my new purchase. Within about 100 feet of the booth, I saw a co-worker coming toward me. I hurried toward him while minding my balance and rocking stride. Before I could say anything, he said "What's wrong with you? You're walking funny. You look like your bouncing". Well, I was bouncing but I didn't think it was that noticeable - and I didn't think I looked that funny - until I caught myself in a mirror again. I looked like I was walking wearing one high heel and one sneaker. Anyone who saw me from the neck up probably thought I was practicing my rooster walk. I had no other shoes with me so I tried to walk as little as possible the rest of the day. But at least my heels felt fantastic.

Ortho-like shoes and funny walk - or heel pain? I've made my choice. I just bought my second pair of MBTs.