Driving While Directionally Impaired

I'm just glad that there is not a big warning stamped across our driver's licenses that state "directionally challenged". It's bad enough that people who know me or even see me driving find that out pretty quickly. I really try hard to appear normal.

Confession time - I am a well-grown woman who still has to look down at her wrists (to see which arm holds my watch) to double check a left or right turn. My watch is always on my left hand so I can look down quickly and confidently turn the right way. Unfortunately, when I don't know where I'm going I constantly guess wrong when I come to a T in the road. Since I recognize that I always choose the wrong direction, I try to psych myself out and say, "OK my first choice was right but I know I'm always wrong, so I'm going to save myself from another U-turn and turn left". And of course, that is wrong. I can feel my head tightening or my brain swelling because I'm making it work so hard to make that decision - left or right?

I can deal with left and right when people give me directions. What I can't deal with are people who say "turn west, then go north" - what does that mean? How am I supposed to know "west". Or the ones I want to strangle who say "go to the east entrance of the building". Of course, most building don't have "east" or "west" written above the door so I just circle the building (usually the wrong, long way around) until I find an unlocked door. I would have so much time left in my day if I didn't have this impairment. My house would be clean, I'd finally learn Spanish, I'd finish my first novel - but I can't do any of those things due to my impairment.

Long before GPS', when I took my kids out in the car, I would just tell them that we're going on an "adventure" since often I didn't know where we would end up. I knew where we were supposed to end up but that didn't always happen. They would happily go along with the adventure bit until they got tall enough to see my facial gyrations in the mirror, hear me mutter bad words and start to get a crick in their neck from all of the U-turns. They finally learned the truth about their mother's directional problem. We did what most families do - we all pretended everything was all right and didn't talk about it.

I felt sorry for people who would drive up to me while I was walking and ask for directions. When someone asks for something I like to try to help so, with authority I would give them directions - and hope I could get home before they could find me again. I didn't try to give bad directions, but I really had no other choice. Those are the only kind that I knew.

I thought my directional life would finally get better after I purchased my GPS. What a great idea! It was relatively easy to learn. I put the address into the machine and then I waited - and waited - and waited. First it had trouble finding the satellites, then it found the satellites but wouldn't tell me anything. "So, which way do I go, come on, give me a word - left or right?" I said to the air. Nothing. I finally gave up and turned the way I thought I was supposed to go - and the first thing that prissy female voice said to me was "make the first legal U-turn". Eeeeggghhhhh! I've had two different GPS' and neither will give me that first important direction - left or right. To make matters worse, the company that makes the GPS gives the lady a sarcastic, belittling voice when she slowly drips "re-calculating". You're waiting for her to add "dummy" and I think she does it under her breath. I already feel bad and am trying hard to make the most of my life with this impairment. I don't need a computer lady's mean-spirited reprimand to add to my insecurities. Why don't they program her to say "Oh my, your sweet person, you accidentally turned the wrong way. Just turn around when you get a chance". I feel better about myself just writing that.

It feels good to finally admit to my deficit. Maybe someday I'll let you in on my "cooking impairment".